He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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