I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
