Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
