seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
