Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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