Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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