this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
