i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I looked at my own cervix.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
