Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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