Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
