apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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