Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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