Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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