so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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