Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
