Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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