Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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