i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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