just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
