you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
