Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
