Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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