Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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