So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
