i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
