My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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