we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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