i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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