She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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