What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
