White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
