is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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