my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you didnt know i had herpes?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
