What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
