My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
