we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We are two peas in an std pod
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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