Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
third nipple confirmed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
