Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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