that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
