I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
