you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize