how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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