It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
