I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
