big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
