One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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