im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
