Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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