He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?