Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
