By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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