I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER