So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
