my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
