Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
