I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
