I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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