last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
