I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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