fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can text with my tongue
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
