a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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