I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
