I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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