Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
