You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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